If I could only see you now.

I envision in my head what Thanksgiving would have been like with you. I am envisioning what this years Christmas would be like with you. You'd love Nathan's parents. You always wanted more kids and you'd loveee the children. I hate that you are missing so much. I hate you are missing so many things that would make you so happy. I know, that you are watching. But I wish you were here to enjoy them. You deserve to enjoy all the aspects of the holidays this year that I would enjoy. I imagine what the holidays would be like this year with you. I catch myself making believe you are here, and thinking how converstations would have gone. I catch myself pretending we are Christmas shopping, and being blown about all the people in the mall. I keep getting trapped in my head with thoughts of missing you, wishing you were here, pretending what it would be like with you here, and replaying our memories and the day you died. All in my head, amongst other things. So much is in my head, I can't believe I'm not crazy..(er?) I just wish you were here...I wish this ever happened. I wish this was still just some dream that took a year for me to wake up from. A year? It seems like forever. That is sad, I have so much more to do without you...a year seems like forever.

"Won't you enjoy this lonely sky with me, it will swallow us whole if we'd only let it."